I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Just high enough for therapy.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
