trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
