i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
