They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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