I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
