I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
