I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
