What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
