i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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