worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
