Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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