shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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