I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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