I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
