i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
