it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Let's paint friendship bongs
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
