after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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