He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
