she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
