you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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