You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
