i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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