Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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