are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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