Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
