I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
