so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
