Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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