yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
