I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
