I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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