evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
