Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
