K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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