It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
