my phone needs a breathalizer
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
