no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
