I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
we should paint friendship bongs
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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