i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
