she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
