Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
