"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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