No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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