"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
