I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
