oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
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