Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
