Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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