1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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