So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
