He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
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