some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
