TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
