I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
