i barfeds in our rink
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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