I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
