I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You pole danced in your parka.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
