There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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