and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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