Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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