tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
