And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
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