jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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