As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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